Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
