He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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