i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
