please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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