My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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