Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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