Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
