My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
