Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
