Non-Jews are for practice
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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