im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
