My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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