apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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