Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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