I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
