just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
