btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
