does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
