Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
