his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
