I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
