On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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