The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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