Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
