People with herpes should wear stickers.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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