there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
