she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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