A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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