She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
