This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
