Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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