...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
