Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
