afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
