I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just tell him i said nine months
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
