3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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