I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
