ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
