dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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