he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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