I think im going to throw up on grandma
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
