How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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