I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
