would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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