big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
