i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
