Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
