so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
