I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
