WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
